Ciel the marriage counselor
by Artistically Insightful
Summary: Ciel is helping a lot of people who are planning to get married. This is more than a crossover it ranges from gravitation all the way to fruits basket.
1. Ugene x Grell

The undertaker(Ugene) x Grell

''Now tell me what the problem is.'' Ciel said to Ugene and Grell. ''He never listens to me!'' Grell whined. Ugene said ''He complains all the time! I can't deal with his noise!''

''MY NOISE!I just want attention from you Ugene! You never pay me any attention!''

''I have needs! Think about me needs for once!'' Ugene exclaimed making a dirty motion to further his point.

''THINK ABOUT ME NEEDS? That's all I ever do Ugene! That's all I ever care about!'' Grell said getting upset. ''Well I'm not happy so you're not doing a good job.''

''I'm trying my best!''

''Hell I get more pleasure out of me corpses.'' Ugene yelled. Everyone grew quiet.

''(Gasp) How dare you!''

''Young Earl can you do something about this squawking disaster?''

''Squawking disaster?'' Grell asked insulted.

Ciel sighed ''First off, you two should be more positive around each other.''

''As soon as he opens his mouth my whole day is ruined.'' Ugene complained.

''Grell, try to stop whining okay."

''Okay I will.''

''Okay now on to pleasure. You two should try to spice it up.''

''Everything I want to do he's scared of.'' Ugene complained pointing to Grell.

''He likes unusual painful sex! I can't deal with it! I'm too fragile! I want to make love!''

''What in the bloody hell is making love?'' Ugene exclaimed.

Ciel said ''It's sex but gentle, soft, and caring.''

Ugene said ''More like boring and dull!''

''I'm not letting you use those bones on me!'' Grell yelled.

''Don't let the whole bloody world know!''

''You two need to adjust to each other s liking! Be able to deal with the ups and downs. Grell and Ugene looked at each other and the kissed.

''I promise that I'll get used to your annoying squawking voice.''

''And I promise that I'll get used to your weird fetishes.'' Grell said leaning onto Ugenes shoulder.

''But one more thing before we get married, Promise me that you won't start drooling over Sebastian every minute of the day.''

Grell smiled ''Are you jealous of Sebby?''

''No! If you marry me I want your eyes on me and me only.'' Ugene said sternly.

''Okay Ugene! I love you.'' They kissed again.

Ciel sighed and said ''Now you two can get out.''

''Okay! Thanks little one.'' Grell exclaimed getting carried out of the room by Ugene ''Make sure you come by the mortuary to see us some time!''

Ugene said before they left Make sure your butler doesn't mess with my husband or he'll feel the scythe.''

Ciel chuckled and then Meirin and Bard came stomping in angrily, 'What did I get myself into...'' Ciel thought wearily.

**Authors note: This is going to be a very amusing story LOL!**


	2. Bard x Meirin

''What do you two want?'' Ciel asked as patiently as he could. ''Meirin refuses to wear me mum's dress to our wedding!''  
>Bard complained holding the dress up for him to see. 'I don't blame her...' Ciel thought.<p>

''Why can't I pick me own dress darling?'' Meirin complained.

''No! Because this is me mum's dress and it means a lot to me!'' Bard exclaimed sadly.

''And that explains why it turning yellow.'' Meirin exclaimed, Ciel chuckled softly.

''Anyone want tea?'' Sebastian asked walking in with a tray of tea.

''Sebastian what do you think about me mums dress?'' Bard said holding it out to him.

''No comment.'' Sebastian said eyeing it with disgust.

''There! Sebastian even agrees!''

''You always liked Sebastian! I'm not going with his vote just because of some silly crush you have on em'!''

''What's up with everyone crushing on you Sebastian? I wish I could be liked like that.'' Ciel said.

Sebastian sighed ''It may seem nice but the one person I have a thing for doesn't even know no matter what I do to show him my feelings, I even make little 'hints' and 'gestures' but still he doesn't pay me any attention.''

''What was that Sebastian?'' Ciel asked eating a cookie.

''Never mind...'' Sebastian said with a sigh.

Meirin giggled ''How cute!''

''How gay!'' Bard yelled.

Sebastian gave him the coldest death glare he could muster, Bard coughed and looked away trying to look unfazed.

''Just forget it Meirin! You're not worth me mum's dress!''

''Don't say that Bard!'' Ciel exclaimed ''You should let her have her differences! It's not the end of the world!''

''well... I guess.'' Bard said rolling his eyes.

Meirin leaned in to kiss Bard and they began to tongue wrestle.

''Why can't we do that?'' Sebastian complained.

''Huh?'' Ciel said looking up from his cup of tea.

''Never mind...'' Sebastian said leaving the room clearly upset. Ciel thought 'What's his problem?'

**Authors note: How cute.**


	3. Sebastian tries to confess

Ciel sighed, he was on his break from work...or more like dealing with a bunch of idiots. ''Would Young Master like a massage?''

''No Sebastian.''

Sebastian then put his hand on Ciel's shoulder and sat on his lap. ''What is the meaning of this!'' Ciel exclaimed trying to push him off.

''You look so delicious right now Master...'' Sebastian said with a flash of red in his eyes ''I've been wanting to say this for a long time I lov-''

''Master Ciel! The garden is on fire!'' Finny exclaimed. ''Okay Finny here I come.'' Ciel said carrying a bucket of water because he knew the 'fire' would only be a tiny flame.

Sebastian sighed and laid back on the couch.

''You waited too long.'' a familiar voice said.

''What.''

''You hesitated... You always do Michaelis.'' Claude said sitting next to the frustrated butler.

''He never listens or shows that he cares.''

Claude sighed ''Let your demon instincts handle it. Thats the way I did Alois.''

''And Alois didn't talk to you for a week.''

''Thats only because I chewed off half of his tongue, But I sewed it back so it doesn't matter!''

Sebastian sighed ''I'm not like you... I can't be as disgusting but I can be sadistic though.''

''Okay, so give that a try.''

''Okay.''

''WOW THIS PLACE IS HUGE YUKI!'' a loud squeaky voice yelled.

''(sigh) Time for Ciel to get back to work...'' Sebastian said going to go get Ciel.

**Authors note: LOL this one is really short.**


	4. Yuki x Shuichi

Ciel and Sebastian was looking sideways at this odd couple. A boy with pink hair and a man with blond hair. ''How may I help you two?'' Ciel asked after clearing his throat.

''Yuki proposed even though he's never told me that he loved me.'' Shuichi whined.

''I'll tell ya when I want to!'' Yuki yelled lighting a cigarette.

''Could you please dispose of that? My young master has asthma.'' Sebastian said.

''Hey you're 'Young Master' can speak for himself!'' Yuki said eyeing the both of them. ''Hey kid you're kind of hot.'' Yuki said winking.

''YUKI!'' Shuichi yelled hitting Yuki's arm.

''Well you always tell Sakuma how hot he looks!''

''I do not!''

''Oh Ryu-sama, I love your hair, Oh Ryu-sama, you look so good today.'' Yuki exclaimed mocking Shuichi.

''I only do that because he's my idol!''

''And I bet you when we're getting married when the monk asks is there any objections he's gonna be the first to stand up!''

Shuichi shook his head frantically ''NO! You just don't understand! He loves me and wants to keep me safe!''

''More like wants you in his bed.''

''Hold on, So this Ryu is getting in the way of you guy's marriage?''

''In a way yes.'' Shuichi admitted.

''Then you should get this Ryu to fall in love with someone else so he can get out of your relationship.''

''Who would fall in love with Sakuma?'' Yuki exclaimed rolling his eyes.

''Anyone would! Especially (gasp) TATSUHA! We should get Tatsuha to date him!''

Yuki sighed ''Whatever.''

Shuichi sighed and said to Ciel ''I don't really think I want to marry him anymore.''

''WHY!'' Yuki exclaimed.

''Well Yuki you always yell and get an attitude and it's tiring!''

''Your noise is tiring but I ignore it and stick with you.''

''You're a damn lie! You kick me out as soon as I make a sound!''

Ciel said ''Now that sounds like a problem. Why would you throw your boyfriend out of the house just for being loud Yuki?''

''I would think he likes to be kicked out since he goes to Ryu or Hiro's house to flirt with them.''

Shuichi exclaimed standing up ''Why do you always think that!''

''Because it's obvious.''

Sebastian leaned down and whispered in his ear ''This couple has waaaay too many problems.'' Ciel nodded in agreement and said ''Well your time is up, Remember to meet me again next Wednesday okay.'' Ciel said rubbing his head because a headache was rapidly forming.

Another couple, well not couple because there were three of them. One had brown hair one had orange hair and one had purple hair. Ciel sighed ''This is going to be the longest day of my life!''

**Authors note: :D this chapter is crazy as hell.**


End file.
